i can finish a box of 24 within 2 days.. the locals call them ‘tau sar piah’..

my first fond memory of having them was when i were still in my primary school days.. my sister and i, my parents and another cousin went together with my parents to penang for holiday, and we stayed at batu ferringhi..

i remembered that i were swimming at the hotel’s swimming pool, and i played water basketball with a few people in the pool then, it was not much of a basketball, we were just passing the ball around and shooting some hoops..

i was so tired after spending about 1.5hrs in the pool, and when i went back to my hotel room, i found that my parents had bought a box of 豆沙餅, and it was on a glass table. i didn’t know how it tasted then, so i took one and put in my mouth.. i didn’t know if it was really that good, that i ended taking a few more right after, or it’s just because i were hungry after my exertions in the pool.

and so, the place where we stayed then, batu ferringhi and 豆沙餅 are now happy memories that i keep with me.. and whenever i visit penang, i try to make it a point to go batu ferringhi, or at least gurney, and at the same time, find some 豆沙餅..

i think in the future, when i have kids, i would do exactly the same thing.. getting ready some really good snacks, i.e, 豆沙餅, and have them ready when they’re done with swimming.. or football, or badminton…..

love is good..

SC: so Jacky, where you wanna go for your birthday lunch? we’re fine with anything…
me: ok, dim sum? sister’s cafe? or indian food?
SC: but i don’t like indian food wor..
me: ok, then sister’s cafe? they offer more variety?
SC: the food there is ‘ok’ only wor..
me: then dim sum?
SC: can la, but i’m fine with anything.. why not we go for thai food?
me: ok, works too!
SC: ok, let’s go thai food then.. but it’s your birthday lunch, you choose la, we’re fine with anything..

hahahaha! funny, no?

SC is a younger female colleague… hahahahaha

it was a real coincidence bumping into him there.. i apologised to him for missing his 3rd baby’s full moon party, and after a black face, we were fine again.. we agreed that the past 8-9yrs since Uni passed by so quickly, and he was my junior in college, he is married, settled down with 3 kids.. doing well apparently, he is after all, working for his family as a property developer.. he has never worked for a big corporate before, and all his working experience was being a boss and developing property..

he has seen much different things from where a corporate employee would see into.. and he told me that if i felt the past 10yrs passed by quickly, the next 10yrs will pass by even more quickly! which i totally agree! the past 10yrs for me was that i was finding my feet, moving around the investment industry, trying things out, and even spent a year and two trying to make a business venture work but was later played out at the end.. if 21-30 was really a time where i were finding my feet, then 31-40 would really be settling things on one and set fly on it..

i’ve got an offer to work for a foreign fund based in malaysia, and if i were to accept, would mean that in future, i would have an easier route, better cv to get out of malaysia to work.. while at the same time, be able to do my responsibilities as a son spending time with my father in KL in this moment of time.. career-wise, i think my 31-40 has got on to a good start with this new job offer.. 31-40, what others have i got to achieve? none other than starting up a settled family life..

i was in Houston, Tx attending my senior’s wedding, and he said, he had it planned.. he coined it his 5yr plan, getting a secure job, finding a wife, and having kids at the end of the 5yrs plan. he is on track, he got married on the 3rd of 5yrs.. and so i thought that i should have something like that in my life too.. kids i’m not so sure, but i would like to start my own 3yr plan.. to find a gf/wife, hang around together for a bit and settle down by 3yrs.. i missed and stepped onto many potholes in my 21-30, but for 31-40, i am so ready to get that right! career, love and family, let’s do it!

what we want to do could be termed as a dream, and what we have been asked to do could be deemed a responsibility..

i have always dreamed about what i wanted to do, and pursued my dreams, but at this stage of life, i am not so sure i could continue on this path, to carry on dreaming.. well, i am sure many people would jump at me readily, give me a slap, and tell me it’s about fucking time u realised the reality in life..

but i have steve jobs on my side? in his book on the innovation secrets of steve jobs, he encourages people to keep dreaming! and i have a billionaire encounter, i meant an encounter with a self-made billionaire from scratch, and he told young people to keep on dreaming, and to start young and follow all your heart, dreams.. the last i know, he has 800million liquid assets.. bloody hell.. that’s 8 zeros!

here’s another steve job’s quote; passion won’t guarantee that you would not fail, but passion would make sure that no failure would ever stop you!

ok, that’s the dream part, what are the responsibilities that i have to juggle with?

there’s a chinese saying, 百善孝为先， meaning, the biggest kindness is to be fillial.. and that’s why, kindness has no boundaries and needs no money, even the poorest can be the most kind..

ok, back to 百善孝为先, my dad wants me to settle down so badly, that it is becoming like a tape recorder repeating it’s mantra of me finding a wife and settling down, and with it comes responsibilities.. i suppose with that, one has to sacrifice a lot of dreams..

maybe i should get a dreamer, as a partner.. ha!

what a crude joke..

i am searching for a breakthrough on this conundrum..

In fact, when others blame you, they cannot add a fault to you that you do not possess. When others praise you, you are not becoming a greater person because of that. Whatever others say about you does not affect your faults and qualities. Only you can see whether you have this fault or not. If you do not have the fault for which you have been accused, there is no need to be upset, since criticism does not make you have the fault. If you do have that fault for which you have been accused, then the person pointing it out to you becomes your kind teacher helping you to improve. Dzogchen Patrül Rinpoche said, “Never look at your own qualities, but never look at others’ faults. Always look at your own faults, but never look at others’ faults.”

It is important to recognize each and every subtle arising of jealousy and pride. This requires a great deal of diligence in mindfulness, as these emotions in particular are very difficult to identify. Whenever such a thought arises you must apply a method to abandon it. Ideally you eliminate it through recognition: if you have trained your mind in mindful awareness you will see the thought the moment it arises and recognize its empty nature. If you recognize this, this thought is rendered powerless. It will not affect you in one or the other way. If your mindfulness is not yet strong enough you can apply the bodhisattva approach, considering that the other person is your mother, your best friend, your child, and therefore give rise to love and compassion for them.
And if this is too difficult in a certain circumstance, you can apply the pratimoksha approach, and that is to contemplate the faults of this emotion, understanding that as a result of acting on such an emotion you will fall into the lower realms. You should apply one of these three approaches according to your mental capacity in the moment of affliction. You have to practice according to your capacity, just like a child must wear children’s clothes and an adult wears adult’s clothes. A child in an adult’s cloak would be troubled. In brief, Lord Buddha summarized, “Perfectly tame your own mind; this is the Buddha’s teaching.”

ALBERT EINSTEIN

being an analyst, i want to know there is everything to know about my potential partners before going into an agreement with them, afterall, settting up a company together is easier, it’s the breaking up part that is messy.

i was really obsessed about whether my potential partners are of the right type.. are they honest? with integrity? diligent? clean? etc..

i really was going around in circles without a definite answer to those, and so i approached my guru, and i wanted my guru to guide me and tell me if i should go into partnership with them..

my guru came back with a very simple reply;

if your partners have the same objectives, then just have faith and learn to deal with ups and downs of being involved in businesses.. there will be ups and downs, guaranteed,.. there is no need for you to know their background that much, each people has their own dark secrets that they don’t want to let other people know.. and there is really no point in you knowing into that kind of minor detail..

it is the same with being in a relationship, being in a relationship, as long as the couple both have the same objectives, then just go with it and learn to deal with the ups and downs of being involved in a relationship..

those words are truly words of wisdom, in our age, we have learnt to disassociate ourselves from downs, we tend to want to not get involved in bad things, and can’t stand the sight of bad things, so much so that we have become control and intellectual freaks, that we have lost the ability to learn how to deal with ups and downs.. or that we have learnt that the only way to deal with bad things is to not have it in the first place? if we don’t learn how to deal with downs, and only know how to deal with downs is to not have them in the first place, then, we would devoid ourselves with more and more things in the long run!

why have we come to this point? where we only know how to deal with freaking ourselves out with the outer, but lost focus that it’s the inner that we have to learn? this self-precious ego thing is suffering!!

thanks guru.. dealing with the inner and learning how to manage myself in ups and downs of the society and relationships, and be faithful with people is more important than knowing everything there is to know..

to be on top of matters is not to know every little minute detail out there that there is to know, and be an intellectual and control freak..

to be on top of matters is simply to manage yourself well on the inner and the outer situation will then be well.

he has a small frame, but you could see that it is some kind of growth issue, and his neck is bend towards his right shoulder, with his head always sorta resting on his right shoulders.. and i think he could be in his 40s? he has a size of a 8-9yr old kid..

he sells pen. he’ll never ask passer-bys to stop by to have a look.. but when you stop for a minute and ask him how much he is selling those pens (RM10 per packet with 4 pens), he would greet you with a smile and tell you cheerfully how much they costs.. and if you buy a packet of pen from him, he would remind you, with his soft spoken voice, that you have to remove that plastic at the pen’s writing tip, so that you can start using them..

i did buy from him, it was about a year ago, and after i bought from him, he would say thank you, and back to continue reading his book.. i caught a glimpse of the book he was reading, he was reading the bible..

that was quite a while ago, and i had completely forgotten about it until tonight, when after work and some exercise, i went to the night market to get some dinner, it was around 10.30pm..  when i saw that man again, my heart completely fell..

he was sitting beside a stall of people selling dvds, in his wheelchair, selling pens.. he must have been so tired sitting under the sun the whole day, when i were there, he was sleeping, head resting on his right shoulder, he must been exhausted, but there he is, still there at 10.30pm in the night selling pens to make that extra penny to earn a living..

i felt so so sad, there are honest people out there with a heart of gold trying to make a living! and it’s not easy for them at all! they have no place to be.. even into the late hours of the night..

what’s wrong? i ask myself, what’s wrong?? something must have been missing here, somewhere..

sometimes, they are times in life when you slow yourself down, let your guard off completely, and out of nowhere, you meet this kind of heart wrenching yet wonderful moments, and you realize, there are times like these where moments changes your life..

it’s love that’s needed, and it’s love that’s ever been needed all along…

spread the love, get started with giving out moments of random kindness in your life today..