reminder on love and attachment

Often it is only when people suddenly feel they are losing their partner that they realize how much they love them. Then they cling on even tighter. But the more they grasp, the more the other person escapes them, and the more fragile the relationship becomes.

So often we want happiness, but the very way we pursue it is so clumsy and unskillful that it brings only more sorrow. Usually we assume we must grasp in order to have that something that will ensure our happiness. We ask ourselves: “How can we possibly enjoy anything if we cannot own it?” How often attachment is mistaken for love!

Even when the relationship is a good one, love can be spoiled by attachment with its insecurity, possessiveness, and pride; and then when love is gone, all you have left to show for it are the “souvenirs” of love, the scars of attachment.

The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident…

some coined it simply, “a fortunate accident”..

Shawn Colvin – When You Know Lyrics

When you know that you know who you love, you can’t deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don’t buy it.
When it’s clear this time you’ve found the one, you’ll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

When you feel in your skin in your bones and the hollow
Of your heart, there’s no way you can wait till tomorrow.
When there isn’t any doubt about it once you come this close
Cos you know and you know that you know.

You can feel love’s around you like the sky ’round blue
This is how love has found you, now you know what to do.

When you know that you know who you need, you can’t deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don’t buy it.
When it’s clear this time you’ve found the one, you’ll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.

And it’s time you come in from the cold.
Haaa…
And you know that you know.

sometimes when i feel that i have been dealt with a crap deck of cards for my love life, i tend to recall this movie that i watched and then i will tell myself to leave things to fate and destiny.. probably something intuitive and spontaneously amazing that will happen or had already happened will stir some unforgettable attraction in time to come…

we can’t control the deck of cards that we’re given, we just play it to the best that we can

and you know.. that you know..

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30岁的爱情观

最近重复看了 Serendipity, Love Actually, 加上这几年经过了不少爱情的苦酸，和听取了不少朋友的教诲，现在的我对爱情，已接受了<<敢爱敢恨>> 的 tagline.. or motto..

对于爱情，如果前后分析的太多，爱，就会像是一种交易， 不是快乐的付出.. 那，如果分析了好与不好，然后因较多的好而谈爱情，我相信，这段爱情迟早也会不合，因为，如果爱是一种交易，在交易上， 随时的不好, 双方都可以退出.. 可是，如果爱情是一种包含，无私的付出，和真心的希望对方快乐，那这种爱，我觉得就可以永恒..

可以爱上一百年，一千年，应该是这种爱吧!

那既让爱是不用太多的分析，那如果感觉对的话就大大胆的去爱, 大大方的去爱!

人生有多少个十年?最重要是活的痛快!

30/30

“我曾指若有六十岁命，三十过后就是人生开始倒数之时。。 “  杨千嬅

i have absolutely no clue when i will live till, perhaps 60 is a good gauge, as our chinese elemental horoscope goes a full circle every 60years.. to be more detailed,1980 is the year of the Metal Monkey, 1992 will be the year of the Water Monkey, 2004 will be the Wood Monkey, 2016 will be Fire Monkey, 2028 will be Earth Monkey, and then 2040 will be Metal Monkey again..

so, turning 30yrs old in a matter of months, is quite a significant milestone for me.. i sort of have a rough plan on how i would want to spend my 30yrs old birthday, and so the next few months will be to prepare my trip, and perhaps also take the time to reminiscence on the people who has made a significant contribution to my life..

family, gurus, friends, ex-bosses immediately springs to mind, people that have moulded me.. but how many of them will be able to be together with me and continue the next 30yrs like what we had in the past 30yrs? immediate family, siblings have already started their own family and moved out, while friends are starting to spend more time with their kids, or making babies…

counting down one’s life after 30yrs old suddenly seems not a far fetched plan that i can defer any longer.. we couldn’t choose how we want to live since we were born till we are 30, but we can certainly choose how we want to live our next 30yrs, and choose wisely, carefully, we must.. if we keep our daily routine, dosing ourselves without realising we are still in the rat race, and continue to live as though we are in our 20s, i am sure, by the time we realised it, we will already be 32, 33..

we can’t continue to live in pretendence, living as though we have all the time in the world and that we won’t age..

to move purposely forward, we must examine the paths we have taken so far.. revisit and reflect on them, but also mindful in not allowing ourselves to be trapped by our past while reflecting on them..

i think meditation helps, be it spiritual meditation, yoga, qi-gong…

quoted,…

“What’s more, all these experiences of pleasure and pain,
Are not brought about by anyone besides yourself.
They are produced by your very own actions, good and bad.
Once you know this, it’s crucial that you act accordingly,
Without confusing what should be adopted and abandoned.”

U.R.O

was having drinks with Henry last night at Prince Cafe SS2, and we came to the topic of URO, the Ultimate Right One…

he shared with me his URO, well, i kinda know who his URO is after knowing him for 13yrs.. and i shared with him mine.. interestingly, we came to the conclusion that our URO doesn’t really exist yet for us because if she is the URO, then we would already be together and happily married, and there’s no point in looking backwards, because the URO doesn’t belong to history, the URO should belong to the present, now, and future.. URO so to say, is the whole package, clicking, being together, and getting married..

and so, we concluded that our URO hasn’t really surfaced yet.. i guess this perspective of thinking will enable us to look forward, and not dwell on our old infatuations, thinking ‘what ifs’… it’s a bright day ahead,..

i want to buy a nintendo WII… and longing for futsal tmr..

if i care enough..

too many a times in our lives, when we hope for happiness for another person, subconsciously, you wanna be part of the happiness that you wanted for her/him.. i don’t think there’s any wrong in that, perhaps i’m wrong.

and when the other party decline your advances, you would stop hoping for the good of them, and enter into a state of grief, going through the 5 stages of grief, as defined by the Kübler-Ross model.. the 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.. this Kübler-Ross model was originally developed for dying patients or patients with chronic diseases, but i think it applies to all walks of life..

a huge thank you to the teaching from the higher beings, i was able to not stop for a moment hoping for the happiness of the other party, even though things didn’t exactly work in my favour..

if we care enough, we can accept things as they are and continuously hope for the bliss of all whole heartedly.. and i will..

yes, we can.

may all beings have happiness and its causes..

single now…

so i am single now, decided to break up with WY after being together for a while.. it has got to a point where the next stage in our development is either gonna be draggy or when one starts to talk about spending the rest of our lives together..

and i just couldn’t envision that, i’m sorry.. i could have given us another chance, another 6mths, and then after 6mths, another 6mths.. but i should be honest and unselfish, i’m sorry.. you’re someone nice…

i just couldn’t point a finger at the exact reason, but i just know, sorry..

it’s been a year.. ….

time really flies, it has been a year and a little more since my trip to London to look for Gerry. i surely wouldn’t want it to end like it had ended, but i guess it’s happier now.

sometimes, one have to ask yourself this if you love her so much..

do you really love her that much that if she were to die today, would you still love her?
then you will be loving someone for an outcome. a feeling of love that longs for an outcome has it’s limits.. it is finite..
i have to learn to love infinitely, to love without limits, to love without borders..

there is no never ending banquet.. all shall past, as with myself, my age, my desire to be with Gerry, and Gerry’s life.. etc..

i wish her well with whoever she had decided to be with.

1yr since london trip

just a short update here,.. so did i keep my promise to go back to london to look for GS after i went last year on this date, this month?

pretty much not, she had done quite a brilliant job to make sure i don’t have any more enthusiasm to go back there to look for her.. seems like a flash in the memory and a year has now passed..

life goes on..